Step 1: Seek clarity without turning it into a postmortem
Many schools will not offer detailed feedback, but it is often possible to get a brief indication. Even one sentence can be useful, because it tells you what to focus on next. Sometimes the child was not far off.
If you do ask for feedback, keep it warm and simple:
- thank them for considering your child
- ask whether there is any brief feedback that could help you support your child’s next steps
- ask whether a waiting list exists, if relevant
This approach preserves relationships, keeps dignity intact, and often gets the best response.
Step 2: Work out the most likely reason, gently and honestly
When a dream school says no, families often jump straight to “they did not do well in the interview” or “we should have tutored more”.
In reality, the most common drivers tend to be one of these:
Academic performance on the day
Sometimes a bright child underperforms under time pressure, or one paper goes slightly wrong.
School report and reference
Selective schools do place weight on the tone of a report: independence, attitude to learning, resilience, contribution.
Interview and readiness
Some children are thoughtful but find it hard to speak confidently to adults, or they answer brilliantly but too briefly, or they rush.
Cohort pressure
Occasionally, the child is strong but the year is heavily oversubscribed, and the school is making fine margin decisions.
The goal here is not to blame your child, or yourself. It is to identify the lever that will make the biggest difference in the next process.
Step 3: Decide on your best pathway from here
This is where families often benefit from calm, experienced advice, because there are usually several viable options and the “best” one depends on your child and your timeline.
Most families fall into one of these routes:
Staying in the mix
If there is a waiting list, the right approach is steady and respectful. A short note confirming continued interest, and then letting the process unfold, is often all that is needed.
Finding the right Plan B
A Plan B does not have to feel like second best. Some of the happiest outcomes come from families reassessing fit and finding a school that truly suits their child’s personality and learning style.
Applying at a later entry point
For some children, an extra year of maturity and academic strengthening changes everything. A “no” now does not necessarily mean “never”.
Where expert school advisory support makes a real difference
This is precisely the moment when families often tell us they feel torn between emotion and urgency. You want to act quickly, but you also do not want to make choices from panic.
Our schools advisory support is designed to bring calm and clarity when the plan has changed unexpectedly. We help families:
- interpret an outcome and understand what it likely reflects
- choose the smartest next step based on your child, your shortlist, and the reality of the admissions landscape
- refine your strategy and timeline so you are not reacting, you are leading
- prepare for assessments and interviews in a way that is focused and confidence building, not overwhelming
Most importantly, we give families a feeling they often lose in this moment: a sense of control.
If you are in this position now, a one-to-one consultation can help you understand your options and create a clear plan forward, quickly and kindly.
Chance Vacancies: The route families often overlook
If your first choice school has said no, it does not always mean the door is closed. In the independent sector, places can open unexpectedly, sometimes late in the process and occasionally even after term has started.
This happens more often than families realise, for completely ordinary reasons:
- a family relocates overseas
- a parent’s job changes
- a child accepts a place at another school
- bursary funding shifts
- a school’s final class shaping changes
These are often called chance vacancies. They are not something to rely on, but they are absolutely something to understand and handle well.
